Truth is now acceptable

I feel like explaining stuff.
About the changes I spoke of in my last post.
I'm not deliberately changing, I don't mean to change, nor do I feel any need to. It just happens.
I believe it happens to everyone all the time.

And the changes aren't any big at all. No one notices any differences except for me. The changes are mainly inside my mind. Like, I change my mind on subjects and my taste in stuffs. There's no drastic make-over, that's not what I mean.

Maybe it was wrong to say I get urges to decide who I am. It's more like I have to discover who I am. Because the routines I've gotten used to doesn't match the person I've changed into. You see?

It's like when people write new year resolutions. Only I suddenly feel like "writing new year resolutions" at random times during the year. I get an urge to clean up my mess and get my act together sort of. That's what I meant.

And we all change.
Me for instant, my latest changes include:
- getting gradually less allergic to the color pink.
- admitting to myself that I'm not so fond of spirit anymore. I like wine. Red wine.
- slowly comming to terms with my stomach and it's new non-tolerance for white wine.
- discovering that I can now use high-heeled shoes (as long as it's 7cm tops) and sometimes even prefer it.
And so on.

Tiny trivial stuff like that.

No need to worry, I wont suddenly convert to Jehovah's Witnesses or turn green and develop superpowers. No plastic surgery. No change of personality.

I'll just use high-heels more and avoid drinking too much white wine.

["Truth is now acceptable" - Planetary (GO!) by My Chemical Romance.
I can't get enough of this song atm. <3 And the best line is of course "Fame is now injectable" but that didn't match my post too well. Link]

I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, Sir, because I'm not myself you see.

Is it just me or does this happen to everyone?
Do you ever get the urge to get a grip, pull yourself and your stuff together and just refind yourself?
To sort everything out and be ready for the next day and happy about yourself? To recreate yourself.

'Cause in the end you're the one doing it, aren't you? You're the one creating yourself. No one else is responsible. It's all comming down to you, your genes and your vision of the person you want to be. Your willpower.

It never lasts though. A person changes constantly. You never really stop growing. Or, yes, you stop growing, but you never stop changing, developing. For better or worse. When I get these urges, I plan out who I want to be and then I am this person for a week or so and by then I've changed again and I find I'm not me after all, I've become someone else. I want to be someone else. I'm always changing too fast for me to keep up. And so, I'm never happy about myself 'cause I'm never ready to be the person I am. Yes. It's 2am and I'm rambling.

rambling nonsense.

But I got one of these urges right now. After I post this I'll clean my room, sort my clothes, plan my outfit for some days ahead and decide who I want to be. And in a day or two when this prosess is done, I'll be satisfied, maybe even proud, of who I am. Then I'll be lost again come next week.
I do this every once in a while.

Does this ever happen to anyone else?
Tell me it does...

["I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, Sir, because I'm not myself you see." - Alice in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carrol]

The Lazy Song by Bruno Mars