The dreamer

My name is *Kio Valentine. or Sarinira, or Naughty Smithereen.

I am a dreamer.

I am also a Librarian, a Female, a Leo, a Fire Rabbit, a Norwegian, a Human, a Couch Potato, an optimist, a Christian Agnostic and a Synesthete.

But I am a dreamer more than anything else. I am one of those who can stare into the air for hours and be perfectly content with it. It takes me ages to get through a book because I'm constantly distracted by thoughts given to me by the book, things happening around me or things popping unexpectedly up in my head; and I have to reflect on them. I live in my own imaginary world.

And even though I'm really slow to take in other people's opinions, being so occupied by my own musings, I love sharing mine. At least the ones worth sharing (though we may not agree on which ones that are).

I have arachnophobia and I don't like being trapped in crowds or social settings over which I have no control. I suck at taking criticism. I am terrible at keeping in touch. I space out. I sometimes talk before I think. I'm allergic to vitamin E in lip products and of nickel. I have a phobia for needles or knives against skin and can't watch hospital-shows or movie-scenes involving surgery.

I like thunder, riding the train (when it's not crowded), reading, listening to music, sitting at cafés, tea, art (in most forms), crafting, green and purple, red and blue, dragons, kites, fury pets (except spiders!), trivial adventures, video games, red wine, drawing, spring, harebells, sunsets, the night sky, funfacts, cappuccino foam, chocolate, old history, post-punk revival, soap bubbles, Asian food, shoes, daydreaming and water.

I collect dragon figurines.

I buy books based on their cover.

I believe in magic.

When I think about my future I picture a job in a cozy and fun public library and a house with me, my boyfriend and some kids. And some cats (and hopefully a dog).

When I dream about my future I picture a cozy café decorated like a Victorian sitting area with walls covered by bookshelves filled with different books for visitors to browse or read or even borrow (it could be linked up to a library system and work as a depot or a tiny library branch!) . And I'll serve tasty pastries and baguettes. And I'll have my boyfriend and some kids and three cats, a dog, a parrot and a horse. And energy to maintain all that.

Right now I'm living of my mom, looking for a job. And a place to live. And the meaning of my life.

The story of this blog.

When I started my first blog I wanted it to be a place for me to dispose of my random thoughts. People could read it if they wanted to, ignore it of they didn't. But my head has constructed strong barriers which prevents me from sharing my thoughts directly to people's faces. I have to go home and revise them first before they are ready to be revealed.

I am full of thoughts all the time, I live in a constant dreamworld filled to the brim of wonderings and thoughts that I don't dare to share.

So when I moved my blog to Blogspot I named it “Confessions of a dreamer”. I hoped that this could be the place where I could safely share my thoughts without having to witness people's facial expressions as they get to see each thought for the first time. It has taken me until now (2013) to get there. For years I have been censoring my blogposts just as I am censoring what I say when I meet people in the “real” world. Maybe it took some aging.

Finally I have learned that my writings are worth something no matter of people's likes or dislikes. And I have learned that it doesn't matter what I fill this blog with. I'll share what's on my mind and maybe it'll resonate with someone, maybe it won't. This blog is a gate into my world and I'm inviting people to look. This is where I confess what I dream of. And finally the title fits.