Cake icing and decorating set

It's the first month of a New Year and usually this call for New Year resolutions. This year I won't bother. I know that within the year I'll have forgotten about them and come next year I'll be writing the same resolutions over again because I failed to keep them.

Instead I want to reflect a little over the long term goals I have and the ones I've already fulfilled. Not the huge “I wanna be an astronerp when I grow up” ones, but the little ones.

In example. When I was younger (I'm talking toddler) I remember seeing my Mam fixing my Daddy's tie. To my four years old mind this was a really cute and romantic scene and I remember thinking that “when I grow up to be a wife I wanna be able to fix my man's tie”. (True story).

(I was also going to marry my Daddy, but he calmly explained why that couldn't happen. He also explained why Grandpa couldn't be my second choice as that marriage was out of the question too)

When I was around ten I remember finding a recipe on how to tie a tie and I practiced this knot over and over again. And I'm proud to announce that I can tie a perfectly ok tie. So there. Goal reached. Mission accomplished. (It's good to see that not all goals crumble to pieces).

I even saved Seb's neighbors the other month. The mother and the two teen sons were getting in their car. Both sons were dressed nicely in suits, ties in hands. And the mother came over to us asking Seb if he knew how to tie a tie, because father wasn't there at the time and they were going to some fancy event. Seb shook his head and said “sorry, I rarely wear ties” and they all looked disappointed. So I raised my hand, ahemed (that is now a word) and said “I can, I know how”.

I, a little curly filly (yup, I'm a horse now) from the forest of Norway, I too can be a hero.

(I know I've posted this song earlier, but it's relevant for this entry so I'm posting it again (plus: I love it so it's allowed to be posted twice).)



Another role model for me would be my aunt on my mother's side. Whenever we were having some sort of big event or party she would be wearing her bunad and in her bunad-purse she would always keep band aids and a tiny sewing kit. So whenever you got hurt (during the run under the decorated tables or hide behind everyone's fancy coats in the rented wardrobe -games) or your clothes ripped, she would be there for your rescue. I have wowed to myself that when I “grow up” I will be Aunt Safe with an unlimited stack of band aids and other useful items. I already got band aids in all my bags and purses and I hope that when the time comes I'll be ready to save either my own kids or whichever nephew/niece/godchild or random kid in distress. (or grown-up, should that be the case)

Other goals for my life would be to learn to cook my family's traditional Christmas-dinner so that my kids can eat it sauce and all, and to stand on the top of the Eiffel Tower at least once.

I also wish I could play music of some sort so some day before I die I want to learn a music instrument. It shouldn't be too hard and it doesn't have to be anything fancy. I hear it takes no time at all to learn the ukulele so maybe that's what I'll learn, I dunno, either way I will eventually play something.

And I want to get better at knitting. Aaaand maybe I'll learn by heart the Rubik's cube, if I ever get the time. (All the cool grown-ups in my family have at one point known the Rubik's cube)

I think that in the end these little “trivial” goals are the ones that really matters. Who cares if I ever reach the “ideal” weight and status or the top of any career; I have band aids and I can tie a tie.

I got a bulletproof heart, you got a hollow point smile

In social sciences one speaks of the big world and the little world. (at least in Norwegian, I don't really know the English terms for this).

The big world being the whole society we all play a part in, our common world sorta.
The little world refer to that world only known by you. Your perception of the world and the society, The way you interpret and like/use/live it all.

Now that we have established this definition of these terms I want to share this brief thought that brought me to write here tonight:

I find it utterly annoying that all your little worlds matches mine so not at all. I guess it would be easier to accept if I was better at playing this game that is the big world, but I'm no good at it. And therefore I wish I could understand all the little worlds of yours better. But I guess it's supposed to be this way. After all I'm slightly proud of my own ways and you all deserve to be proud of yours.

I'll go to sleep now.
I wonder if this thought will be of ANY relevance for me in the morning?

["I got a bulletproof heart, you got a hollow point smile" - Bulletproof Heart by My Chemical Romance]

Truth is now acceptable

I feel like explaining stuff.
About the changes I spoke of in my last post.
I'm not deliberately changing, I don't mean to change, nor do I feel any need to. It just happens.
I believe it happens to everyone all the time.

And the changes aren't any big at all. No one notices any differences except for me. The changes are mainly inside my mind. Like, I change my mind on subjects and my taste in stuffs. There's no drastic make-over, that's not what I mean.

Maybe it was wrong to say I get urges to decide who I am. It's more like I have to discover who I am. Because the routines I've gotten used to doesn't match the person I've changed into. You see?

It's like when people write new year resolutions. Only I suddenly feel like "writing new year resolutions" at random times during the year. I get an urge to clean up my mess and get my act together sort of. That's what I meant.

And we all change.
Me for instant, my latest changes include:
- getting gradually less allergic to the color pink.
- admitting to myself that I'm not so fond of spirit anymore. I like wine. Red wine.
- slowly comming to terms with my stomach and it's new non-tolerance for white wine.
- discovering that I can now use high-heeled shoes (as long as it's 7cm tops) and sometimes even prefer it.
And so on.

Tiny trivial stuff like that.

No need to worry, I wont suddenly convert to Jehovah's Witnesses or turn green and develop superpowers. No plastic surgery. No change of personality.

I'll just use high-heels more and avoid drinking too much white wine.

["Truth is now acceptable" - Planetary (GO!) by My Chemical Romance.
I can't get enough of this song atm. <3 And the best line is of course "Fame is now injectable" but that didn't match my post too well. Link]

I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, Sir, because I'm not myself you see.

Is it just me or does this happen to everyone?
Do you ever get the urge to get a grip, pull yourself and your stuff together and just refind yourself?
To sort everything out and be ready for the next day and happy about yourself? To recreate yourself.

'Cause in the end you're the one doing it, aren't you? You're the one creating yourself. No one else is responsible. It's all comming down to you, your genes and your vision of the person you want to be. Your willpower.

It never lasts though. A person changes constantly. You never really stop growing. Or, yes, you stop growing, but you never stop changing, developing. For better or worse. When I get these urges, I plan out who I want to be and then I am this person for a week or so and by then I've changed again and I find I'm not me after all, I've become someone else. I want to be someone else. I'm always changing too fast for me to keep up. And so, I'm never happy about myself 'cause I'm never ready to be the person I am. Yes. It's 2am and I'm rambling.

rambling nonsense.

But I got one of these urges right now. After I post this I'll clean my room, sort my clothes, plan my outfit for some days ahead and decide who I want to be. And in a day or two when this prosess is done, I'll be satisfied, maybe even proud, of who I am. Then I'll be lost again come next week.
I do this every once in a while.

Does this ever happen to anyone else?
Tell me it does...

["I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, Sir, because I'm not myself you see." - Alice in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carrol]

...in a big big world~

Today at this date (25.june 2010), or actually if you count it by the hour: tomorrow(26.) at 08.30am, I am the exact same age as my mam when she gave birth to me.

That is freaking me out a tiny bit.

I mean.
How could she have a baby herself beeing just like this?
I'm not by far ready for something like that...
In her defence; She had a house, a husband and a dog already... I guess she was ready for it.

Sometimes I feel I don't have time for beeing this old already.
XP I'm only 22, I know, I'm young... But still. Should I have accomplished more than I have by now?
Nah.
My life; my pace.

But it is kinda cool, eh?
I'm the same age as my mother was when she got me. Must mean I'm a big girl now, yes?

It is time!

...for some home surgery? ...muwahahahaha?

Finally I got in my hands a new hard drive for my poor computer. (500GB, 5400RPM, 8MB Cache)
And I'm gonna insert it all by myself.
I have done this several times on stationary computers, but it's the first time I open a laptop...
But I'm sure I can do it.
I am, after all, a daughter of a Typewriter-mechanic ;D

Now, here comes a pretty weird, maybe stupid, but serious question.

If the hard drive is the computer's "brain"...
Then I will have (soon) a new computer in an old body... Like brain transplantation... So it will be a new "person", right?
OR
Since I have back-up of all my files, it wont really forget anything. The "memory" will be intact, so is it still the same old computer?

The question is. When I configure my computer after the transplantation. Should I rename it?