Why on earth would anyone practice self destruction?

People always have some expectations about you. What you should wear, how you should behave and what you should say. At least I expect people to have expectations and so I go out of my way to fulfill them.

But. I think. Maybe.
That I’m always wrong. What I expected people to expect rarely is what they were actually expecting. And sometimes I’m freaking out because of how much they expect from me and then it turns out they weren’t expecting much, if anything, at all.

What’s up with that?

I guess my only real critic is me. And I should stop ‘cause I’m tearing myself down.

[“why on earth would anyone practice self destruction?” – “Bad Habit” by The Dresden Dolls]

Ambitions for the New Year.

When I was younger I never saw the point in these, but nowadays I always seem to have them.

1. I know for a fact that I won't keep to this (wow, what a great optimistic way to start), but I want to TRY and plan my meals every day. I am already sorta good at that, but there are days when I just don't bother. And it works like this: Schooldays I have lunch boxes and (almost) every day my meals are thought through and tasty/healthy, but on days with no school everything just meh and I wind up not eating properly, sometimes not eating at all before dinner. I want to take control of my eating habits. I know, I have observed, that when I eat properly throughout the day EVERYTHING works so much better.

2. I want to draw more. This appears to always be a part of my New Year resolutions, and I always fail to fulfill it. But I love drawing; I can't understand why I forget to do it. I should knit more too.

3. I'll try to be there for my friends and boyfriend more. I tend to keep to myself, which is how I am, I need my space, but I think I do it a little bit too much. For the sake of my friendships that I really don't want to lose, I'll try to keep more in touch with everyone.

Thank you all for a wonderful new years party! I had a lovely time. And I'm much better, if it keeps up like this I'll actually be attending school pretty soon.

I hope 2011 will be a good year for everyone. Happy new year!

Waka waka

I really do not care for football or sports at all. I mean instead of making the whole world watch some sweaty guys running after and fighting for a ball we could just buy 22 balls and give them one each? XP
I mean no offense.

But then again I am pro everything that unites the world in some way. Come World Cup, come Olympic Games, come Eurovision Song Contest.

And I must admit that I like the soundtrack of this year's world cup. Especially this one song that I absolutely LOVE. It's got this cheerful and encouraging rhythms, you can't help but feel better. And the lyrics doesn't necessarily have to be about football:

You're a good soldier
Choosing your battles
Pick yourself up
And dust yourself off
Get back in the saddle

You're on the front line
Everyone's watching
You know it's serious
We're getting closer
This isn't over

The pressure is on
You feel it
But you got it all
Believe it
....

For me, they tell me to withstand life's difficulties and never to give up, but take up the fight. I need that sort of lyrics sometimes.
It's interesting really how important music is to me. Music is my therapy.

And as usual with Shakira; I prefer the Spanish version of her songs.



Apparently "waka waka" is an expression in Fang, a Cameroon dialect, for "Do it" or "Get the task done".

I think I will begin pretending I am a princess

I think I understand now why I love Frances Hodgson Burnett so.
I think I like how her books agrees with my own beliefs about magic.

I believe that magic exists. In our world, in this so called reality.
Only that it's so ordinary that we don't really see it.
Magic isn't shiny sparks turning people into frogs, making pigs fly or any other nature-defying tricks. Magic is your own personal accomplishments. Magic is all the changes. Magic is all the little coincidences. Magic is the strength to turn yourself around. Magic is the way you make someone else feel better.

You know what it's like to stand outside a winter morning freezing your toes off waiting for the next train. How thinking of something warm or fun will make you feel better? It's really hard, but a clever mind can do it.
And that is magic.

Both "The Secret Garden" and "A Little Princess" really are the most adorable books.
I wish for "Little Lord Fauntleroy" for Christmas...

["'I've often thought,' said Sara, in her reflecting voice, 'that I should like to be a princess; I wonder what it feels like. I believe I will begin pretending I am one.'" - A Little Princess by Frances Hodgson Burnett]

Breath out

I got the best job one can possibly have.
Seriously.

I feel so lucky ^.^

I just sit there, surrounded by thousands of books and with just a few clicks on the computer I can summon almost everything (That exists in Norway mind you) when it comes to books, movies, music etc.

And people get so happy when I manage to help them find what they're looking for.
And some of them are really impressed when I fetch rare stuff from across the country.
It's just fun.
How can this really be work? I don't mind it at all.

Of course, I do my share of mistakes. I'm new, it would be weird if I did everything perfect. And I have a tendency to pounder about my mistakes several days after.
But hey, I'm learning.
And of course, I get tired and it is tiresome to please everyone, especially during rush hours when there's lots of people and everyone have some problem or demands weird stuff that I don't know how to get.
But overall I don't mind being there.

I mean really, I get paid for hanging out in the library all day.

Sometimes at school when I'm tired and stupid and can't figure out my cataloging exercises it feels kinda hopeless. So it's nice to discover that I can actually function in a real library.

You said you'd lend me anything, I think I'll have your company

Happy Birthday, Mam.

It's time for school again. With (one of) the same subject(s) I started last year. Only this time I'm gonna make it. And I'm gonna make it good! I'll do great.

I'm convinced that I'll do fine this time. I'm more prepared and I'm more enthusiastic.
And it's not just me. I counted six others from my original class. Tah. In a maybe malevolent way that makes me real happy and more at peace with my own "failure".

And this year school will be so much better. So many of my friends will be close by and I feel like I got this safety net around me, knowing they're just around the corner.
I got Tink just a short subway-trip away and Vilje just across the street.

And Boyfriend is just across the street too. I even saw him today. Made the whole "first day"-thing much less tense.

And I got my loyal classmate. We planned our own tiny study-group already. Both ready to study hard and actually reach the finish line this time.

I'll do fine.

oh! And I has job!
The local library wants me to help out every fourth Saturday and maybe on special occasions.
I take that as a huge compliment.

Everything will work out fine. It will work out. It will work out.
I do believe in fairies, I do, I do.

["You said you'd lend me anything, I think I'll have your company" - "Paris" by Kate Nash]

...in a big big world~

Today at this date (25.june 2010), or actually if you count it by the hour: tomorrow(26.) at 08.30am, I am the exact same age as my mam when she gave birth to me.

That is freaking me out a tiny bit.

I mean.
How could she have a baby herself beeing just like this?
I'm not by far ready for something like that...
In her defence; She had a house, a husband and a dog already... I guess she was ready for it.

Sometimes I feel I don't have time for beeing this old already.
XP I'm only 22, I know, I'm young... But still. Should I have accomplished more than I have by now?
Nah.
My life; my pace.

But it is kinda cool, eh?
I'm the same age as my mother was when she got me. Must mean I'm a big girl now, yes?

eldfjall

Because of the hot weather these days I've left my window open all day and now, I swear, the air in my bedroom smells kinda like dirt. Or sulfor as my mother suggested without giving it any deep thought untill later.
It's kinda sick isn't it? It happens miles away in Iceland and it affects my little bedroom in a Norwegian forest. o.o

Speaking of the Nordic countries.
if you hang around at DeviantArt sure you've all stumbled over Humon's comic "Scandinavia and the world"? Isn't it somewhat hilaroiuos? I love it. It's so stereotypical and I actually think Norway is pretty well represented.

You can find it here.

And. At school today I learned that one of the reasons that the Finnish people are so good at school is because of their excellent libraries. Maybe I should go to the library during my visit this summer, for the sake of my profession? XD