I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, Sir, because I'm not myself you see.

Is it just me or does this happen to everyone?
Do you ever get the urge to get a grip, pull yourself and your stuff together and just refind yourself?
To sort everything out and be ready for the next day and happy about yourself? To recreate yourself.

'Cause in the end you're the one doing it, aren't you? You're the one creating yourself. No one else is responsible. It's all comming down to you, your genes and your vision of the person you want to be. Your willpower.

It never lasts though. A person changes constantly. You never really stop growing. Or, yes, you stop growing, but you never stop changing, developing. For better or worse. When I get these urges, I plan out who I want to be and then I am this person for a week or so and by then I've changed again and I find I'm not me after all, I've become someone else. I want to be someone else. I'm always changing too fast for me to keep up. And so, I'm never happy about myself 'cause I'm never ready to be the person I am. Yes. It's 2am and I'm rambling.

rambling nonsense.

But I got one of these urges right now. After I post this I'll clean my room, sort my clothes, plan my outfit for some days ahead and decide who I want to be. And in a day or two when this prosess is done, I'll be satisfied, maybe even proud, of who I am. Then I'll be lost again come next week.
I do this every once in a while.

Does this ever happen to anyone else?
Tell me it does...

["I can't explain myself, I'm afraid, Sir, because I'm not myself you see." - Alice in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland by Lewis Carrol]